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slogandstuff:

thepumpkinspice:

Rung is a lot happier about this arrangement than Ratchet.

At least he’s attempting to make conversation.

Ratchet, on the other hand, seems to be a bit distracted.

Ratchet. Ratchet stop. Put down the bottle, Ratchet.

Ratchet plz.

RATCHET GOD DAMMIT—

THIS BEHAVIOR IS UNACCEPTA—

FUCK

Tea Time never happened again.

Rebloggin’ for Rung

I am not humping anything.

Yet.

like you’re one to talk about desperate humping loverboy

calibuttshuns:

crazydame:

screamybutt replied to your post: Transmutate is beautiful and she is lovely!!

NO

Look its beardsy’s best buddy

go suck Liam Neeson’s cock Cali

barrymanilowswinternightmare:

how long until someone makes a mod where you can play as the creepy babby versions of all the tf2 characters

that was perfect

spikes-and-valves:

• Kad and Beardsy are eating their feelings away
• I plan on drinking them away

anybody else?

eating them away implies they’re going away

they’re not

Now I’m just sad AND full of chocolaty pastries.

I am stuffing my gob with chocolate but the feelings won’t stop

Read More →

The Optimus Prince

Ratchet was walking through a crummy meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a sweaty little Optimus lying under a tree.

Ratchet skipped over to see the dear thing and was erotic to find that he was hurt! A buttplug had pierced his ugly little ass and he whimpered sadistically with the pain.

“My flaccid little friend,” Ratchet said. “Let me help you!” He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the buttplug, as saucily as he could. The Optimus cried out and Ratchet’s heart ached, like a shitty doctor. “You’ll be all right,” Ratchet whispered. “I’ll take care of you. I’ll call you Knock Out and you can live with me forever!”

Scooping Knock Out up in his arms, Ratchet carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Ratchet nursed Knock Out, cleaning his ass and feeding him Nurse-brand Optimus chow.

On the eighth night, Knock Out climbed into bed with Ratchet. He burrowed under the covers and grumpily humped Ratchet’s wheel. It made Ratchet giggle and he cuddled close to Knock Out, stroking his cock and singing boredly to him.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Ratchet hurried home so he could curl up with Knock Out. It gave him a sexy feeling whenever Knock Out humped his wheel.

Then one night, Knock Out looked up at Ratchet and said, “If you kiss me, I will become a medical prince.”

Ratchet screamed violently, he was so surprised. How could a Optimus talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.

“You’re not dreaming,” Knock Out said. “Kiss me.”

“Don’t tell anyone I screamed like that,” Ratchet said and kissed Knock Out on his cock. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a medical prince! With a crown and everything!

“I’m Prince Knock Out,” he said. “I was cursed. It’s a long story.”

“Is it really you?” Ratchet said.

“See?” Knock Out said and showed Ratchet the scar from the buttplug on his ass. Then he kissed Ratchet and they tumbled on the dick and did a lot of very fabulous things, some of them involving a soft scalpel.

“I love you,” Knock Out said when they were done. Ratchet clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Knock Out had stashed away.

And if Knock Out didn’t know about Ratchet’s visits to the Optimus sanctuary, well, it wouldn’t hurt him.

ohno these are too fun

The Miracle Of The Whale

Breakdown hated Christmas. He didn’t just dislike Christmas, he hated it like an overcooked hot dog at a 7-11. He loathed it.

Every December, Breakdown would feel himself getting all sexy inside. He refused to put up a Christmas weenie, he snapped at anyone powerful enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Breakdown had to go to the mall to buy a hot sauce. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing hungrily around and so much Christmas music blaring needily, he thought his shoulder would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a slick man collecting for charity. Breakdown never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the slick man dropped his bells and ran in the sky. There was a glowing whale right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the slick man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Breakdown rushed out and whinily pushed them both out of the way. There was a hard bang and then everything went dark.

When Breakdown woke up, he was in a shiny room. There was a Christmas weenie in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Breakdown’s optic hurt. A lot.

The slick man came into the room. “I’m so slimy!” he said. “You’re awake. My name is Knock Out. You saved me from the truck. But your optic is broken.”

Breakdown hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas weenie up and his optic was broken, he felt quite wet, especially when he looked at Knock Out.

“Your optic must hurt sensually,” Knock Out said. “I think this will help.” And he slapped Breakdown several times. 

Now Breakdown felt very wet indeed. He didn’t hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Knock Out. “I love you,” he said, and kissed Knock Out slowly.

“I love you too,” said Knock Out. Just then, the whale ran into the room and nuzzled Breakdown’s wheel. “I brought him home with us,” Knock Out said.

“We’ll call him Miracle,” Breakdown said. “Our Christmas Miracle.”

It was the best Christmas ever.

oh god I tried that drabble thing, let me post an excerpt 

this one I like to call Inferno Struggles with Erectile Dysfunction 

Red Alert climbed off the strap on and walked madly across the grass to greet his lover. Inferno patted Red Alert on the crotch and then tried to thrust him sexily, but without success.

“That’s all right,” Red Alert said. “We can try again later.”

“I’m just not aroused,” Inferno. “Not as aroused as the time we thrusted on the roof.”

himeheme:

endertrain:

de-arimasu:

Go nuts!

aaahhh, memories.